Deep and Wide

When I first became a parent, I became fearful of things that never troubled me before. I knew that my fear was often irrational, but very real to me. One such fear was of bridges. I feared that, for some reason, my car would end up in the water, and I wouldn't be able to save my daughter. While I live in 'the city of bridges', none of them are very long or big, and I was able to 'deal' with my fear.

However, one summer, when Leah was almost 2, we went to Fenwick Island, DE, to visit some friends for a few days before heading to Virginia Beach for a week's vacation. The fastest route from Delaware to Virginia Beach was via a modern marvel called the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel. It is a 20+ mile combination of low trestle & high bridges, and two mile-long tunnels that go under the bay. While the thought of being on a bridge out in the middle of the Chesapeake Bay, with no land in sight, terrified me, the thought of going in the tunnels under the bay paralyzed me. I begged Bruce to go a different way, and he was willing, but noted that it would add 2+ hours to our trip, and with an active 2 year old, couldn't I just trust God and overcome my fears???? So, I bravely agreed to ... take the bridge.

Our trek from Delaware to the CBBT began on a beautiful, cloudless, sunny morning. I was reading my Bible in the car, and my daily devotional scripture verses were: So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.(Is. 41;10) and Be strong and very courageous... do not turn... to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go."(Joshua 1:7). Those words should've encouraged me, but I was thinkin'... uh oh. We had a cassette playing cute little kids' songs to entertain Leah,... Angels Watchin' Over Me, I Wonder How It Felt (to be in the belly of a whale) and ...Deep and Wide. Dark, black clouds began to form in the sky ahead of us. Bruce reasoned that the storm was likely... out to sea. Kind of like we'd be in a few minutes. I think I was hyperventilating. Road signs every 100 feet said... "Last Chance to Exit Before Bridge"

We drove up to the bridge, paid our toll, and started across. About a minute later, a deluge began, with 50 mph winds. We could hardly see the roadway (or the edge of it), but we could perceive waves coming up over top of the railing. After a few more minutes, we noticed that there were no other cars around (we learned later that they had closed the bridge to traffic right after us). We were both scared. I realized that my scriptural admonition to not look to the right or left was imperative, not only because looking at the violent sea would frighten us, but because we had to concentrate our attention on seeing the road in front of us. I also knew God had promised to protect us.

We were moving slowly, but finally came to the first tunnel, and what had previously been my greatest fear now became my place of refuge. I was just glad to be able to see, and forgot that we were under 50' of water. I hoped that as we emerged from the shelter, perhaps the storm would have had passed. It didn't. And we faced another 6 miles of open sea in the torrential downpour before the next tunnel. Leah was in her car seat, singing Angels Watchin' Over Me, oblivious to the danger, and content in the belief that her father was in control. Truth is, He was.

Obviously, we made it,... with a story to tell everyone later, ...of how God was very real to me in a time of trouble, how His word sustained me, and how He upheld me with His righteous right hand as I faced my fear. We learned later this was a tropical storm that dumped almost an inch of rain in 50 minutes, and took out the power in all of Hampton Roads for 6 hours. A water spout funnel cloud had also been sighted over the bay.

I've been reading the book of Joshua in my Bible. Joshua was a mighty warrior, and God brags on him. I noticed, tho', that God tells Joshua, at least 12 times, to not be afraid, to be courageous, and to not be discouraged. This tells me two things... first that Joshua, tho' a mighty warrior, must have struggled with some fears, or God wouldn't have had to tell him so many times not to be afraid. Secondly, it tells me that we DO have the power and ability to choose to NOT be afraid and to NOT be discouraged, or God wouldn't have commanded it. Moses' words to Joshua and the people getting ready to enter the Promised Land assured that He would be WITH them. The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8
That same promise applies to us, here and now.

The word discouraged means deprived of confidence, hope, or spirit, or hampered/deterred by a lack of courage. Discouragement is a tool used against us. 'Encouraged' means to be supported or inspired with assurance and faith. Honestly, I do struggle with fear at times, and I still don't like driving over long, high bridges, but I know that God's promises enable me to choose, and that His Word is truth. I am encouraged by that.